The Feeling of Nostalgia

It’s pretty weird, the feeling of nostalgia is. How funny it is when souls meet by no accident, but eventually they will part way. Some will linger longer, and some will leave abruptly— leaves you nothing but traces of memories tied to them.

When reminiscing about them; about a place, about a taste or smell or even a person, some memories will make your heart beats fondly with joy, and some makes you ponder uneasily. It could be anything. A taste of Ferrero Rocher that you felt so luxurious as a child, a faint smell of perfume your mother used to wear that you randomly smell on a crowd. It could be a piece of old clothing, it could be a sound of piano that you’ve never heard before but somehow will sound so much like those people in your past. It could be Radiohead. It could be a cheesy poem you made in highschool that you thought was sophisticated and cool. It could be someone you had blocked on social media, it could be your friend who had grown apart, it could be your ex lover, it could be your deceased grandfather. It could be the warm ray of the sun, or the cold blue skies that reminds you of a more youthful you.

You would be smiling remembering jokes you used to make with those people of the past, or you will cry remembering how things will never be the same again. You will see a picture of you as a baby. You will weep. You will think to yourself of how fast you had grown. You will still have that scar from your childhood on your knee. You will think about how unforgivingly swift time is. How many times you have failed and get back up again. All the celebrated victories and the warm hugs you’ve received alike. The taste of saltwater when you dive into the ocean, the feet that touches wet grass, the prayer that frantically comes from your mouth when you’re afraid and the curses you spew. It shapes you into who you are today. They are all a part of the you right now.

You will feel. You will think, and you will do it so hard to the extent of losing your hair, losing your sleep, you will clink glasses, you will laugh uncontrollably, you will miss your family, you will get desperate — you will be first a blank canvas and as you age, you will be black and blue, or even yellow with a hint of pink and a lot of green.

You will be everything at once, and you will savor things one by one.

As you feel this bizarre thing called nostalgia, here you are in the now, moving forward and in the same time, sentimentally yearning to get back.

But you will never be able to.